I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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