please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
