so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
