I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think people are normalizing furries
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
