i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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