I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
