First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
