He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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