I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i dont even know how to be here
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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