I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
