i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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