walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
