I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
