Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
