I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
