I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
