Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
