the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
