The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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