i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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