at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Shame - the story of my life.
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