In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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