my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
