I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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