Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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