I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
