do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
