I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
