i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
