My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
