We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will be naked everywhere
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
