we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
