Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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