me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
And then he peed in my hair
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