hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Vodka?
Forever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
