Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
