That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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