i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
