her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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