i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
zippers are such a cool invention
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
