no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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