So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
