last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
