WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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