my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sobbing to NWA
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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