69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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