I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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