If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
