using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love having hate sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
