Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
