Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
