What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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