So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
