I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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