Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
